Urban jungle

What if the whole reason for American overconsumption isn't actually rabid materialism, but just paranoia? I go to Walmart (that spelling is AP Style approved, folks) for a very specific item that I have so far failed to find in more socially-responsible settings, quickly determine they don't have it, and...still spend 20 minutes wandering in search of something to buy so they don't think I'm a shoplifter when I walk past the check-out counters, a little person in a big puffy merchandise-concealing coat. I mean seriously, I could hide about $300 worth of lipstick under that thing.

In addition, Walmart and its ilk have already impressed into me the fact that they possess everything a person could possibly want, and employees will think there is something wrong with a person who can leave such a store empty-handed. Or at the very least, you must be shoplifting.

I managed not to buy anything, but it was really close. Especially when I saw the $1 t-shirts. And no one accused me of shoplifting.